Oh, my favorite weekly news quiz. Here's a bit from Saturday's show (listen here) that had me laughing until I couldn't breathe:
PETER SAGAL, host: Charlie, the New York Times reported on BP's long history of safety violations. It turns out they've been blowing stuff up for decades. But the company insists that safety is now job one. In fact, the CEO, Tony Hayward, recently instituted a rule preventing employees at BP from doing what?
Mr. CHARLIE PIERCE (Author, "Idiot America"): Dating Bristol Palin.
SAGAL: That's...
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. MO ROCCA (Contributor, "CBS Sunday Morning"): The other BP.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Ms. KYRIE O'CONNOR (Deputy Editor and Blogger, Houston Chronicle): The other safe one.
(Soundbite of laughter)
(Soundbite of applause)
Mr. ROCCA: Listen, listen, British Petroleum is an evil BP. Bristol Palin is a kind of a fun, distracting, silly BP.
SAGAL: That's true.
Mr. PIERCE: And both involved in drilling in their own way.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. ROCCA: All right, yes. And yes, but it's not Bristol's fault that the cap wasn't kept on the well. That was...
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. ROCCA: That's Levi's.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: All right. Now for your first quote, we want you to listen to a very shocked resident of a New Jersey suburb, talking about her neighbor who was just taken away by the FBI.
KASELL: They couldn't have been. Look what she did with the hydrangeas.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: So that woman was surprised her neighbor turned out to be what?
Ms. NYE: A deep undercover Russian spy.
SAGAL: Yes, indeed.
(Soundbite of bell)
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: It's so cool. The FBI, they swoop in, they arrested 11 people living and working among us.
Mr. O'ROURKE: Yeah.
SAGAL: Our friends and neighbors, as spies. It's just like out of a movie. But as it turns out, it's a really dull movie.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. O'ROURKE: Russia has all our hydrangea secrets.
SAGAL: It's true. Well that's the question. Why would Russia go to the trouble and time to secret their agents in our suburbs? What could they possibly learn? We have infiltrated Montclair, New Jersey PTA.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: And are destabilizing it from within.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: And the Russian spymasters are like:, Excellent work, Agent X. Now, infiltrate Olive Garden and steal secret of never ending pasta bowl.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: And this is one of their pass phrases, these spies. That, you know, you identify yourself to another spy. The first person says excuse me, but haven't we met in California last summer? And the response is no, I think it was the Hamptons. Which confirms the person you're speaking to is either a Russian spy or one of the "Real Housewives of New York."
Ms. SWEENEY: Right.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Ms. POUNDSTONE: Is that really what they were saying?
Ms. SWEENEY: Yes.
Ms. POUNDSTONE: They really said that?
SAGAL: Yeah, that was a real one.
Ms. SWEENEY: And they have other cities too. Because they had other ones where they'd say didn't I know you in Milan?
SAGAL: yes.
Ms. SWEENEY: No, it was in...
Mr. O'ROURKE: Moscow.
Ms. SWEENEY: ...Prague.
Mr. O'ROURKE: I mean...
SAGAL: No.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. O'ROURKE: Oh, did I say that out loud? I mean, Yonkers.
SAGAL: It's actually kind of hard to square this whole thing with our image of spies, you know like James - imagine James Bond getting married to Pussy Galore and settling down...
Mr. O'ROURKE: Let's just wreck it all, in Yonkers.
SAGAL: ...in Montclair, or wherever. It'd be like, it's James Bond, view to a cul de sac.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: He'd have a minivan, but it'd be a special minivan from Q. It would instantly transform into a riding mower.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Transcript from NPR. Oh, Wait Wait. Don't ever change.
EDIT: The font is a little wonky on the computer I'm using at work. I'll see if I can fix this when I get home.
EDIT DEUX: Fixed!
EDIT: The font is a little wonky on the computer I'm using at work. I'll see if I can fix this when I get home.
EDIT DEUX: Fixed!
